one of my fondest; listening to ‘fireworks’, lsd, listening to all the extra sounds, knowing i would never hear them again, vowing to never listen to it again in a normal state of being — one of my proudest; keeping that vow. sacred. one of my fondest; singing to you, making you fall in love, every time i hear ponytail i can’t help it. i sing it all the time, hoping to fall in love with myself. and it helps. i think i’ll love you forever, i think i still do, or could. but that doesn’t matter. one of my proudest; feeling always good. feeling like nothing will get me down. feeling that remembering isn’t bad, feeling that remembering and knowing it can never be the same is a good feeling. realizing my full potential and power. realizing that nothing matters unless it’s good, really, it doesn’t matter, as long as you are going in the right direction, it’s not possible to feel bad, it’s not even possible to go in the wrong direction, the more i read, the more i do, the more i see, the more i fuck, the more i realize. it moves me. keep going. keep feeling. keep writing, painting, drawing, talking. keep doing drugs, maybe, if it feels good. not knowing how to end this. but it’s alright. it’ll all be okay. everything means nothing to me.